This week I launched in to my last ten weeks of my pregnancy. My growing girl always before me as I go about my daily business; working, mothering, cleaning, organising and generally being so busy I barely have time to consider the ensuing changes. The few captured moments of time when I grab the chance to contemplate the huge swell of shifting sands before us I am left pondering the same thing. What do we call our girl?
Yes, we have the same parental conundrum that most people face - choosing the first name. Will it be Matilda, Betsy or Rose? These names are unlikely to make it (judging by the upturned nose of my baby's daddy). Yet the first name isn't really a worry - we just toss the names in to the air and see how they fall, sit or land on the ears of each other....waiting for the resultant reaction neither painless or frightening.
However, when it comes to discussing her surname we become locked in heated debate, resistance and near fury. The surname 'issue' is becoming, well, an issue. What do we 'call' our little one. Tradition dictates that children assume their father's surname. Tradition, has little meaning in a home where all the children belong to different parents. Our daughter will be no different. We are not living traditionally. My boyfriend and I are unmarried, have two children to previous relationships and according to 'tradition' are living in sin.
Of course, I utterly reject tradition if tradition means that I must assume a historical calling to have my children belong to my partner by name. Or indeed, if we marry that I belong to my husband. My identity is important to me and, having a daughter - this time around, I feel a certain feminist responsibility to re-establish a sort of equalibrium. Our boys are named after their father. My son has his daddy's name and my boyfriend's son has his name. Surely this little one, our sweet girl, could have mine?
Our children will each have a different surname - but lets face it we are different. I am happy to embrace that. Equally, there will be no ill-feeling amongst the children as to who shares which surnames. The boys have their father's name, the girl has her mothers. There is at least some equality in that.
Yet, I am certain there is so much more debate ahead of us. How exciting.
