It's not your door

No, no it is not. 

Nor is it my bed, my home or heart.

It is not my door.

Missing Seamus

Today I feel empty. Empty and lost. Such gutting inertia could be a product of my gluttonous dance with all things toxic this weekend. Yet I am left feeling like a shell of a woman because I sit alone. Alone, without my son. The weekly ritualised-separation is the part of my journey through motherhood that rendersme bereft with a lingering longing for my boy. It can be a lonely wait for his return, as he spends important time away with his daddy. In his absence I nourish my maternal heart-beat with memories of his giddy laugh, the scent of his warm neck as he nuzzles close, and his chubby hands in mine. The only cheer on a day like today is the prospect of his return and the rosy thoughts of captured moments with G. The staples of my patch-work family are sometimes hard to wear.

A brief love affair

As Valetnine's day fast approaches I find myself quietly pondering the romance of my life. Brief consideration brings to mind this past week. A tumultuous week of trauma, triumph and tribulation. This week the regular chaos of work and family life was acutely punctuated with an intense increase in academic pressure. Not content with working full-time, I am also studying for my doctorate and PG Cert. The combination of which results in moments of skull-crushing madness. This week has been one of those moments as I completed my research protocol, ethics form (a 40 page document) and submitted my first PG Cert assignment.

As I meandered down to the learning and development unit at UCLan to submit my work it dawned on me how essay writing is a little like brief, intoxicating love affairs. You're driven to dizzying heights, sleepless nights, irrational behaviour, tears, exhilaration and then, as it finally leaves your hands your left with crushing emptiness and disappointment. This is how it is for me. A thrilling but draining ride. So, as I wait to find out my results I can refocus my energy and consider the real romance of living. Sharing a bed with my boys, kisses from Seamus, laughing with friends and staying in my PJs until noon.

I'm done with brief love affairs.

(until next time, that is). 

Charlotte Hardacre is fundraising for Rosemere Cancer Foundation

via justgiving.com

Please consider making a small donation!

The world could use a good kick in the pants. - Girl Effect

Check out this website I found at girleffect.org

Now this is what I call a 'Flash'y presentation. Brilliant social marketing. Love it. Spread the word.