The extraodinary ordinary

As I sit, propped up by a tree's thick trunk, I ponder the picture before me,

A visceral scene of ordinary life illuminated by the infectious heat of the day.

The white-framed light of indigo hanging intoxicatingly low above

Washes over the resplendent moment with a magical glow.

The skeletal arms of the tree enclose me beneath an umbrella of new life,

The fresh budding-green of the leaves lustrously transparent.

Damien's electric melodies in my ear punctuated pleasantly by the chorus of the crowds.

Enthused chatter of women walking by, the glimmer of their Punjabi suits dazzling.

Afghani men rowdy as they fly through the air on the volley-ball court.

Youthful girls with their pink fleshy parts exposed cackle rythmically.

Small boys chase their balls, screeching menacingly as they dance across the grass.

Dogs bark, birds sing, insects hum the chant of it all rousing some deafening swell of happiness within.

Caputring these moments of mundane remind me of how spectacular life can be.

becoming a mother

magpie in a blossom

Walking home today I spotted a magpie. A magpie in a blossom tree. The slick, inky blackness of the feathery foul was stark against the fragility of the delicate white blossom bloom. As the bird's bead like eyes turned towards me I felt myself shudder. A reaction to echo the teasing tension of my every sinew and reflect the frail flowers that framed the stained crow. The awkward harmony of the bud-like petals against the strong lines of the 'pies beak, upon a head held to the side as if questioning, imploring and gnawing at my very thoughts. Sharp talons clasped tightly upon the wiry branches looked to be sapping the last drop of life from the tree, from me. A sigh from the depths of my belly rippled out in to the sun-blushed air and hung moronically as time appeared to stand quite still. The moment broken only by the fall of a leaf from the blossom and a dewey tear from my cheek. 

Vole-sized victory

This is the moment I completed my ethics form, all 40+ pages of it. It was a moment of minute victory, worthy of celebration. In terms of self-motivation and determination one of the most challenging aspects of my studies so far. Next week I find out if my it passes the ethical screening. Fingers crossed.

Untitled

Lie down mummy.

Not now Sonny.

To bed mummy.

Not yet honey.

Little sad mummy.

I feel funny.

My life with Seamus has been catapulted in to some chaotic nightmare of routines, order and imposed expectations. The ritualistic dance we enact with the waking of each morn sprays grey over our day and life. As I read and absorb the colours of relaxed joy in the pages of natural parenting blogs I invoke natural feelings of anxiety in my heart. I also remember my hopes for Seamus and the reality of our first three years of life together. Years through which we were entwined together and remained beside each other, day and night. 

Now we are largely separated as I work full time and he spends days at school and weekends with his daddy. I miss my little one. He misses me. So how to restore some balance to our lives? Better organisation of my time, to free time to be with him? Less time working? More time sharing laughter, stories and snuggles through the night? I had dreamed of home-schooling, extended-attachment parenting. Now he is faced with impositions from the State and my altered state of mind.

All I really long for is for him to roam through the Valleys of his youth gathering the gifts of his experience with an open heart and mind. Just not sure this life, as we currently live it, can offer him that. My task now, in my task-orientated life, is to find a way to slow down the pace of our living and re-capture the moments of his infant-hood with my touch, love and time. If I don't refocus my energies now, I know I will live to regret it. 

 

 

Mora Roma....

Shutters:

Graffiti: 

My favourite church:

My favourite @gazcook:

Rome: raining, roaming and romance.

Rain drizzling, dripping from lashes and nose.

Glimmering cobbles under sodden feet.

Lingering wandering, thoughtful pondering.

A heart full of memories and ancient histories.

Milky marble offering a Mother's gift.

Guilded heavens awash with figures of faith.

Vias reveal hidden jewels as sheets of light shine through.

Swarms of bodies roam through the romance and rain of Rome.

More pictures to be added soon.